I flirt. I flirt all the time. I especially enjoy flirting on Saturday nights, when my wife isn’t around. My wife couldn’t care less about the flirting: she’s noticed me doing it and just rolls her eyes. She knew I was like this when I married her.
When I spot someone I fancy, I always find out as much as I can. Some that catch my eye I’ve known for years. Others might be new on the scene, often younger and previously unknown to me. I always have lots of things to consider. Firstly, of course, are they available, or likely to become available? Do they always look this good? The internet has so much information now you can find a lot out very quickly – pictures and videos I especially like. And normally, after a few minutes -sometimes only seconds – of flicking online, I lose interest, dismiss the new interest and remain committed.
Recently though, I’ve been flirting a lot more. My wife has definitely noticed too, and she is getting annoyed at the time I spend on my phone. Thankfully, she doesn’t know the reason why. I’ll tell you: I‘ve become dissatisfied. I have put a lot into this relationship – love, time, far too much money to even think about. It’s been wonderful for the most part, and we’ve achieved things I’d never have managed without them. We have, in the words of Camille Yarbrough made famous by Fat Boy Slim, ‘come a long long way together, through the hard times and the good’. But whilst it pains me to be seriously thinking about breaking up, I am beginning to think that it is a move I need to make. I have been praising them for a long long time, even in this column – but recently they have been bang bang average and I need better. They are aging, in decline and I need a new, probably younger, version. Based on how things have been recently, I ought to have ended it already. I always said to myself I would give them to November – well it’s November now and things haven’t improved.
Separating would lose me a lot of money – and perhaps a lot of regret over the busy Christmas period. In many ways it was only ever a marriage of convenience anyway. Life is too short to stay with someone out of a misplaced sense of loyalty.
But who else to look at? Most of the good ones are already taken, as I suspect they are for you too if you are in this situation. Of course, I have considered but always refused the very idea of swapping. It also seems likely to get messy and would no doubt upset a lot of people – especially those not even involved. So is probably not going to happen however much I (or they) might want it to. Some options are available, including famous ones, but they are not fit. No point picking one of them up when we have no chance of scoring. But give it time and that may change.
In truth, the idea of someone else being with them is painful. But people who think we will be together forever and never apart might be wrong. I do have a roving eye, and so it’s likely that unless Watkins starts scoring and assisting very soon, it’s over. I’ve had my eye on Tsimaz for ages. Now he is gorgeous. 0.70 xGOT per 90 last season. I’m getting all excited just thinking about it…I wonder whether I should make my move before it’s too late?
