Confessions of a Fantasy League Manager: Week 3
A little schadenfreude with your transfer chips?
And so, as the metaphorical window on the summer of transfers slams shut — sending gusts of chaos and flurries of flotsam towards Fantasy League managers everywhere — it is a seasonal certainty that I will be experiencing my favourite German word: schadenfreude (a positive reaction to others’ misfortune).
Schadenfreude, indeed, as Ederson heads to Turkey, Jackson joins Bayern, and Brighton’s bargain basement punts — O’Reilly, Lamptey, and Enciso — all depart these shores. I smirk as Gundogan goes, Højlund says hello and waves goodbye to United, and hot-take Guiu swaps a starring role in Sunderland’s relegation war for a walk-on part from Chelsea’s bench.
I revel in the panic brewing in the minds of rival managers with Ekitike, Wirtz, Gakpo — or even Salah — as Isak finally arrives at Anfield. There will almost certainly be an impact on their minutes and points. Back at Newcastle, the arrivals of both Wissa and Woltemade is wubbish weading—sorry, rubbish reading—for managers with Gordon, Elanga, Murphy, or the bold Osula gamblers.
And to the poor soul who sold Ederson to buy Trafford last week… only to see Donnarumma arrive — ha ha ha ha ha.
Team Thoughts
Our own team is sitting pretty. I quite like all four of my full-backs now: Munoz (obviously), Aït-Nouri — fit, starting, and a welcome source of consolation points if City’s defence ever clicks — plus Bradley, who should (hopefully?) claim the right-back spot after the international break, and Timber, currently the top-scoring full-back.
Marc Guéhi’s failed move to Liverpool is also welcome news: it ensures Konaté remains Liverpool’s first-choice centre-back and that Crystal Palace’s defensive solidity — and Munoz’s points potential — is unaffected.
No major arrivals threaten the leading roles of Watkins, Gyökeres, or Evanilson up front either while Wissa’s departure at Brentford confirms Thiago as the starting number nine. Meanwhile, Nottingham Forest have brought in a frankly ludicrous number of attacking players — Dilane Bakwa, James McAtee, Omari Hutchinson, Dan Ndoye, Igor Jesus, Arnaud Kalimuendo — meaning rotation is inevitable. But Morgan Gibbs-White’s new contract and captain’s armband reassure me that he’ll play every week, and should benefit from the increased attacking threat around him.
Transfer Dilemmas
One big dilemma remains: Brennan Johnson. The arrivals of Xavi Simons and Randal Kolo Muani aren’t great for his expected minutes, despite his solid start. Adingra’s declining minutes at Sunderland make him a possible exit, but I also own Vicario — and I fear I’m tempting fate by saying this — Tottenham’s defence actually looks… solid? I don’t want to lose him.
Dare I gamble on Simons outperforming Johnson? The unknown over Spurs’ top scorer last season? I’d rather not touch my forward line. And I have virtually no money, just 0.3 million. So I won’t get him anyway.
Oh, for an injured star or a departing prospect to make things easy. Where is my Delap or Nkunku when I need them? I am stuck.
Schadenfreude… or Fraudenschade?
For Fantasy managers, the drama doesn’t end with the transfer window — it begins with our first post window transfer deadline. And maybe even the second, once the dust settles. My limited budget and rigid squad mean that my schadenfreude may soon be eclipsed by a new emotion: fraudenschade — a (totally made-up) negative reaction to others’ happiness.
As exciting new signings fly past to land in rival teams with bigger budgets and easier transfers, I’ll be left watching, empty-handed — like the losing couple on The Generation Game, helpless as the conveyor belt of prizes glides by.
“Dinner service… fondue set… Cuddly toy! Cuddly toy!”
I dare not picture the excited smug little faces of the other managers clutching their new players to their hearts. Even the cuddly toy will be out of my reach.
Didn’t he do well?
No, Bruce, I must certainly didn’t.
